How to Support Grieving Children and Teens: Age-Appropriate Guidance for Caregivers
September 02, 2025
Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience. While many people associate grief solely with sadness, grief can also manifest as anger, withdrawal, confusion, or guilt. These responses are all normal. These responses can confuse caregivers who may not immediately recognise them as part of the grieving process.
Supporting a grieving young person is not about fixing their pain or rushing them to “move on”. Instead, it’s about walking alongside them, creating space for their emotions, offering verbal and non-verbal support that helps them feel safe, and providing an anchor during a time that can feel uncertain and overwhelming.
In this article, we will discuss what grief can look like for young people, what to say (and what to avoid saying), and how to offer steady, compassionate support through presence, actions, and resources.
Understanding Grief in Young People
Every person will react to loss in their own way, and this is influenced by many factors such as their age, relationship to the person who died, and previous experiences with loss. It is important to consider how the age of the young person you are supporting may impact their understanding of death and their grieving process.
Different age groups respond to death differently. Here are some key points.
2 to 5-year-olds
Children of these ages can understand what death means, but may sometimes struggle to grasp that it is permanent. They may ask lots of questions, sometimes repeatedly, to try to process what has happened and what it means. They require understanding, support, and patience with repeated questions. Use simple, honest language to provide information at an age-appropriate level. Provide them reassurance and structure through routine and comfort.
5 to 11-year-olds (primary school-aged children)
Children of these ages begin to develop a better understanding that death is permanent and what death means. They may have questions about what happened to try to develop a better understanding. They may also experience feelings of guilt or worry about other people, or themselves, passing away. It’s important to encourage questions and normalise emotions rather than bottling them up. Again, use age-appropriate language to provide the necessary information and to provide reassurance.
Teenagers
Teenagers typically have a mature understanding of death and what it means. They are more likely to feel isolated when grieving or internalise their grief. They may not always want to talk, even when they need support. It is important to remind them of their support system by offering a steady presence and sense of security. Respect their privacy, but stay connected with them.
Everyone, whether they are a child, a teenager, or an adult, can struggle after losing someone close to them. Tailor your support to their developmental stage, offering patience, consistency, and openness.
What To Say (and What to Avoid)
Grief can feel incredibly isolating, especially for young people who may be navigating it for the first time. What you say matters. When you are supporting a young person who is grieving, what you say and how you say it have the power to either offer connection and comfort or shut down the conversation.
Whilst you definitely don’t need to find the perfect words (nobody is perfect), you do want to approach conversations with honesty, sensitivity, and open-mindedness.
Helpful Things to Say
- Validate their emotions: Grief can present in different ways, and it is important to help the young person feel supported. For example, “It’s okay to feel how you are feeling. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.”
- Acknowledge the loss and your own feelings: For example, “I miss them too. It’s hard, but I am here for you.”
- Offer availability and reassure them they are not alone: When grieving, it can be common for people to feel alone or like they have no one to talk to. For example, “I’m here for you. We can talk about it, or sit quietly, or do something else, whatever you need.”
Things to Avoid Saying
- Phrases that may minimise the loss: Making the young person feel like they are overreacting or that their feelings are not valid will only lead to more negative feelings. Phrases such as “At least they are in a better place now” may sound comforting and are often said with good intentions, but can make the young person feel dismissed.
- Phrases encouraging suppression: For example, “You need to be strong”.
- Offering false hope or rushing the process: Grief has no timeline; everyone moves through it at their own pace. Phrases such as “Don’t worry, you will feel better about this soon” are another well-meaning phrase, but can often make the person feel invalidated, as it does not feel like that right now. Urging someone to “move on” or “get back to normal” can interrupt the healing process.
Supporting Beyond Words
Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is simply be there. Young people and adults may not always be ready to talk, but your presence speaks volumes and offers support.
Presence over Perfection
As discussed, you don’t need to have the perfect response. Consistently showing up without judgment builds trust and can provide much-needed comfort. Let them know it is okay to not have it all figured out and that you will be beside them through their grieving journey.
Physical Comfort
For many children, a hug or sitting next to someone is more reassuring than a long talk. Other children may prefer more physical space. Let them take the lead, respect their boundaries, and offer affection in a way that will support them.
Maintain Routines and Stability
When someone passes away, it can make life feel very chaotic and unpredictable, especially if they were a constant in your routine. Creating and keeping consistent routines offers a sense of safety. While it is important to be flexible, predictability provides comfort during uncertain times.
It is also important to remember that it is okay to slow down or adjust expectations. Anyone who is grieving may feel more tired, more irritable, or less motivated than usual.
Encourage Creative Expression
Creative outlets such as art, music, journaling, and movement can offer powerful outlets for grief. These creative tools can help provide an outlet for big emotions that may be too overwhelming to talk about. Some examples include:
- Drawing or painting how they feel
- Creating a memory box or memory scrapbook
- Writing letters or poems
- Making a playlist of songs that reflect their emotions or making a playlist that helps them feel upbeat
- Let children lead an art project about what they miss or remember
Supporting Grief as a Family
Grief does not exist in isolation but affects the whole family. When caregivers are also grieving, it is important to foster connection, open communication, and provide mutual support for one another.
Share Your Experiences and Encourage Open Communication
Talking about the person who passed away can help keep their memory alive and provide a space for others to discuss their experiences, too. Normalise talking about hard emotions and let young people know they are allowed to ask questions and express their feelings.
Everyone processes grief differently
Remember that all members of the family will process grief differently and for different lengths. Do not make people feel like they need to rush their process of processing their grief differently in comparison to other members of the family (eg, “Your sister is going back to normal, why can’t you?”). This can encourage mistrust and shame for not being able to move on; grief isn’t something you just move on from.
Taking Care of Yourself
If you are supporting a young person grieving, whilst also grieving yourself, it may feel overwhelming at times. It is important to take care of yourself as well. Make space for yourself to process your grief and be honest about how you are feeling. Here are some ways to care for yourself during this difficult time:
- Seek support for yourself, such as friends or support groups
- Make space for your grief, such as through creative expression
- Be honest when you are struggling
When to Seek Extra Support
While grief is a normal response to a loss, it can sometimes become unhealthy. Here are some signs that you or the young person you are supporting may need extra support:
- Persistently withdrawn or showing signs of depression
- Unable to function at school or home over an extended period, and if educators note a difference in behaviour
- Acting in unsafe ways, such as substance abuse or exhibiting aggressive behaviour
Final Thoughts
Grief is not something to solve; it is something to experience. Supporting a young person who is grieving does not require special training; it simply requires a supportive shoulder and a safe space. As a caregiver, your role is not to lead the young person out of their grief but to sit with them instead.
If you or a loved one is struggling with grief, remember that Mindsum has trained professionals who offer a free initial consultation to support you. You are not alone.
Resources You Can Turn To: