Supporting Young Minds Through Family Separation: What Every Parent Should Know
October 05, 2025
Parental separation can be incredibly challenging for everyone involved, including the young person. For parents and caregivers, knowing how to support your child during this time can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re managing your own emotions as well. It is important to recognise the potential implications of a separation and how to manage it to support the young person and the rest of the family.
How Does Parental Separation Impact a Young Person?
Every young person reacts differently to parental separation. Some common ways young people may be affected include:
Emotional
Parental separation can create a range of emotions. Some young people may be angry or sad that their parents aren’t able to stay together. They may feel confused about why the separation is happening or feel relief if there was a lot of conflict or tension between their parents.
None of these emotional responses is “bad” or “wrong”. It’s essential to meet the young person where they are and support them from that point.
Behavioural
The range of emotions can also lead to a range of behaviours. If the young person is feeling angry, they may become verbally or physically aggressive. If they feel sad or confused, they may withdraw from the family and their friends, or experience regression such as wetting the bed.
It’s important to be aware of any behavioural changes in the young person and look for warning signs that they may be struggling.
Academic
A young person's academic performance may also be impacted by parental separation. The young person may withdraw from academia, potentially because they no longer see the point or because they are too focused on the separation to focus on school. There may be a decrease in academic performance, attendance and punctuality, and organisation.
It is important to be proactive in informing the school of home changes such as parental separation so staff are able to respond and support the young person appropriately.
How To Answer Difficult Questions
Young people may have a lot of questions to ask when they find out their parents are separating. They may want to know why, what living arrangements will be, or what it means for them.
It may be hard to cope with these questions or to know how to answer them, especially if you are struggling with the separation too. However, it is important to keep open communication between you and the child in order to support them.
Examples of questions your child may ask include:
Why do you/they have to leave the house?
Explain that, as you are no longer together, you want to live in separate homes. Reassure them that although you are in different homes, they are still going to be able to see both of you and, whilst the change might be tricky at first, you will all soon learn the new routine.
Why aren’t you together anymore?
Be honest about the reason, but with age-appropriate language. It is important that you don’t make the young person feel they have to burden adult worries, such as by blaming the other parent or giving too many adult details.
Do you still love me?
Reassure them that you still love them and that will not change. Emphasise that just because you, as parents, are no longer together doesn’t mean that either of you no longer loves or cares for the young person.
Why can’t you just make it work?
Be clear that you can’t force something that neither of you wants. It’s important not to simply gloss over this question by saying something such as “We just can’t”, but also not to give too many details that are not age-appropriate. Remind the young person that you can try to make things work, but sometimes there is no “making it work” and you realise you’re happier apart.
Is it my fault?
Many young people can internalise blame when their parents separate. Be proactive in telling them that it is not their fault and that they didn’t do anything to cause it.
How To Support The Young Person During and After Separation
Coping with parental separation or divorce can be difficult for a young person. It can be a huge change in their family life and living arrangements, there can be conflict between parents, and there can be a large emotional toll. It is important that, as a parent, you offer support to the young person to make the change easier.
Here are some key ways you can support your child:
Keep Communication Open
Let your child know they can talk to you about how they feel and check in with them regularly with open-ended questions. Sometimes young people want to avoid talking about the separation because they don’t want to add to your stress or upset. Remind them that it is okay to talk about difficult topics and that you will provide a safe and non-judgmental space for them to talk.
Create Routine and Stability
As mentioned, separation can bring huge changes. Try to keep other parts of their life predictable by establishing routines and activities; this can help reduce anxiety and stress. Try to keep visitation consistent, if possible, and established with both parents. If living in two homes, work together as parents to keep key routines, such as bedtime and homework, as consistent as possible.
Avoid Conflict in Front of Your Child
Conflict between parents can be distressing for young people. It’s natural to have disagreements that require compromise, but keep these disagreements away from your child. Do not use the child as a messenger or mediator between you and the other parent, as this can put them in a difficult position. Remember that they are a child, not another adult.
Try not to speak negatively about the other parent in front of your child or encourage them to “pick a side”. This can cause anxiety and guilt for the young person.
Watch For and Recognise Signs of Struggle
Watch for signs that your child is struggling with the separation. Withdrawing from friends or activities, a decrease in academic performance, increased anger, or anxiety can suggest that a child may need additional support in coping with this change.
Remember that you don’t need to go through this alone and to seek support from a professional, such as a GP or therapist.
Take Care of Yourself
Separation is a huge change for you, too. If you are struggling, it is important for you to take care of yourself by reaching out to others, such as friends, family, or professionals. Make sure to take time for yourself so you can relax and be honest about how you are feeling.
Separation isn’t uncommon, but it can be difficult for all people involved if not handled properly. Remember to be supportive and cooperative as parents, and to listen to the young person’s worries and concerns. Take care of yourself, establish routines, be communicative, and be observant of potential signs that the young person is struggling more than they are letting on.