Understanding Anger in Young People: Causes, Healthy Coping Strategies, and Family Support
September 09, 2025
What is Anger?
Anger is an emotion that often gets a bad reputation. But anger is not an enemy; it’s a signal. Anger is a natural emotional response that tells us that something feels unfair or out of our control.
Like all emotions, anger serves a purpose. When we understand that purpose, we can learn how to manage our anger in healthy ways. This article aims to help young people and their families explore what anger is, why it shows up, and how to handle it with understanding and compassion.
Why Might We Feel Angry?
There are many reasons we might experience anger. If you’re a young person who often feels angry, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Here are some common reasons young people might feel anger:
Feeling Misunderstood or Dismissed
When we feel invalidated or isolated, this can lead to feelings of frustration and anger.
Lack of Control or Autonomy
Young people can often feel a lack of control or feel like they aren’t allowed to make many decisions about their lives. That loss of autonomy can fuel frustration, especially during teenage years when identity and independence are growing.
Social Pressures and Identity Struggles
Figuring out who you are and how you fit into the world can be incredibly stressful. Peer pressure and bullying can cause emotional distress that may surface as anger.
Academic Stress
School can be an incredibly stressful time for many young people who have exams and have to cope with expectations. This can feel overwhelming and may also cause tiredness, both of which can lead to feelings of anger.
Home and Family Stress
Changes happen at home and in families. Someone may pass away, parents may separate, there may be a new sibling, or there may be financial changes. All of this may create feelings of anger as it may feel like life is unfair.
Hormonal Changes
Whilst anger should not solely be put down to hormones, during puberty, your brain and body change rapidly. Hormones can intensify emotions, including anger, and make them feel more urgent or confusing.
These are just a few examples. The important thing to remember is that feeling angry is human, and you are not a bad person for feeling angry.
Anger vs Aggression: What’s The Difference
It is essential to understand that anger is an emotion, whereas aggression is a behaviour. You’re allowed to feel angry, just like you’re allowed to feel sad, scared, or happy. However, aggression, such as yelling at others, breaking things, or hurting yourself, is a harmful way to deal with anger. Learning how to recognise anger early and respond without aggression is a skill, and it’s one you can build.
How Can Young People Regulate Their Anger?
Emotional regulation is the ability to manage your emotional responses in a healthy way. It doesn’t mean pretending you are not angry; it means acknowledging the emotion you are experiencing and choosing how to respond, instead of reacting on impulse.
Emotional regulation is a skill and can take time to learn; you can’t always control what you feel, but you can learn how to manage what you do with it. Here are some helpful techniques for emotional regulation.
Name the Emotion
Before you can manage the emotion, you need to recognise and acknowledge what you are feeling. This can sometimes be difficult as we aren’t sure what we specifically feel. Try using a feelings wheel or a feelings vocabulary chart to help. Naming your feelings helps you understand them, and that’s the first step to managing them.
Practice Breathing or Grounding Exercises
When you’re angry, your body goes into fight or flight; therefore, it is important to try to calm your nervous system. Here are some examples:
- Deep breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts
- Box breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts
- Grounding: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste
Creative Expression
Anger can build up when we don’t have safe outlets. Some ways we can creatively express our anger include:
- Drawing or painting how you feel
- Writing in a journal
- Making music
- Movement (such as dancing)
Talk to a Trusted Adult or Friend
Bottling up emotions can make the emotion feel even more intense or lead to feelings of isolation. Talking can help us release tension and give perspective. Even if they can’t “fix” it, being heard can make a huge difference.
Physical Movement
Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve mood. Physical movement may help when you are experiencing intense or overwhelming emotions such as anger. For example, doing yoga can help with calmness, going for a run, or dancing to loud music.
How Can Families Support Young People Who Feel Angry
Family support is crucial when young people are experiencing anger. Families can support the development of emotional regulation, offer a supportive space to talk, and provide helpful information.
Listen Without Judgement and Avoid Dismissing Statements
Many young people may struggle to talk to their families about how they are feeling, in fear of being judged or shamed. This can be especially true when experiencing an emotion that is typically deemed “bad”, such as anger.
Make sure the young person you care for knows you are a supportive person who will listen to them when they need to talk. It is also important that they know you won’t dismiss how they are feeling with statements such as “calm down” or “you’re being dramatic”, but that you will validate their feelings.
Model Emotional Regulation
Young people learn by watching. If they see trusted adults around them yelling, bottling up emotions, or responding to anger with aggression, they are more likely to do the same.
Try modelling calm communication even when upset. For example, you can say “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, so I need a minute to breathe” or “Let’s take a break and come back to this when we are feeling calmer”.
It’s incredibly helpful for young people to see trusted adults model emotional regulation when they are feeling intense emotions such as anger, so they can begin to practice it themselves.
Approach with Curiosity Instead of Criticism
Similar to the first point, young people may hesitate to talk to you if they fear criticism. Approach their anger with curiosity such as asking questions such as “Can you help me understand what made you feel that way?”
This provides an option for the young person to talk about their experiences, which can then open you both up for a discussion. This encourages emotional insight and problem-solving, rather than shame.
Validate Their Feelings First, Guide Solutions Second
A common immediate response when someone we care for is struggling is to instantly offer solutions. However, when struggling with emotions, it can often be more helpful to acknowledge and validate their emotions first. For example, “I can see why you would feel angry about that” can go a long way. Then, once the situation has calmed down, you can work together on the next steps.
Final Thoughts
Anger is a valid and helpful emotion when we can understand its purpose in our lives. It shouldn’t be an emotion that we fear or suppress. When we learn to understand it and express it in healthy ways, anger can actually lead to growth, change, and better relationships.
If you are a young person, know this: you are not wrong for feeling angry, you’re human. You can learn the skills to deal with it in ways that help rather than hurt.
If you are a parent or carer, your support makes all the difference. By listening, validating, and modelling emotional regulation, you help create an environment where anger is safe to feel and possible to manage.
If you are struggling and would like extra support, Mindsum has trained professionals who offer free initial consultations for you to talk to.